Relax. It doesn't say "prenatal", it says "parental". Yes, I, your fearless writer, am jumping into the abyss that is the "Tiger Mother" backlash. If you're not up to speed, you can read about it...anywhere. Popping "Tiger Mother" into just about any search engine will get you 1 to 1500 articles and blog posts about Amy Chua. And look at me, adding to the melee. Shame shame shame.
I don't have to much to say about it, but you can bet your buttons I have something to say about it. Generally, I believe that overparenting is far less distasteful and dangerous than underparenting. I see so much underparenting that I must admit that I can feel myself happily and heartily excusing overparenting when I witness it.
Let's take a quick sidebar to define these terms so we're all on the same page:
Overparent (verb): the act of doing more than you should as a parent, be it enforcing unneccesary behaviors on your child or elliciting unnatural actions and/or reactions from your child.
Underparent (verb): the act of failing to provide basic protection, nutrition, education, appropriate behavioral guidance, and emotional care to your child.
Basically, one is doing too much, the other is doing too little. Is that a fine enough line for you? Well they're the buckets that American culture has given us with which to define all parenting. Welcome to a happy-medium-free culture
This lady, Amy Chua, she walked into a bear trap. Or I guess a tiger trap. You see, there's very little that parents enjoy more than criticizing other parents, and this lady painted a toddler leash-shaped target on her back. She even did it at just such an angle so that everyone can take shots. Oops.
I'll refrain. If you think she's evil, you know she'll get what she has coming. If you think she's a genius just saying what needed to be said, she can be your martyr. Either way, think it over, think it through, and reach your own conclusion. I'm here to make an entirely different point.
One day I'll come back to discuss this further, but let's see how my kid grows up first. We live in a world of too many experts. Or as my kindergarden teacher so wisely said: "Too many chieftans and not enough little indians just doing their jobs." Shockingly racists, I'm sure, but what a perfect statement on personal responsibility.
Moving on. So many people want their child to be the best. They want them to play on the stage at Juliard, to edit the Harvard Law Review, to be Class President at Yale, to run a Fortune 10. On and on the list goes.
I see a problem here. Well, several problems really, but I can boil it down to one main concern. Eventually. First, we're all aware that not everyone wants to be these people. We all want the best for our lives, but for everyone that 'best' is different. And we didn't decide it at age 2. Also, we're all somewhat aware that these people come from a wide variety of backgrounds. The CEO of Kelloggs was a truck driver for them first. Carl Sagan's parents didn't force him to do homework 6 hours a night. B.B. King was raised in crushing poverty, harldy ever going to school, much less Juliard, yet he played at Carnegie Hall, sold out ampitheaters, and for Presidents and Royalty.
If the fact that raising your child under such extreme conditions yields no promise of getting what you want from them isn't enough to disuade you from overparenting, then consider this. If someone learns to work so hard they can get whatever they want, is there any gaurantee that they will be qualified for what they get?
Wait, that sounds like a contradiction. It's not. Hard work can make you a rockstar on paper, or on a farm. But if you don't love it, and it doesn't love you, the consequences can be catostrophic. The level of catostrophy is directly proportional to the amount of power the job has. Think: "W".
Convinced? Let's get you there. Yale Grad, rich and powerful daddy, he was even a direct descendent of a President! Yet he failed at every thing he did every moment of every day for 8 years. A lust for power, coupled with the drive to get a job he was grotesquely underqualified for, had rancid consequences for millions of people. Strategery.
So how likely is it that the person who missed every party, every potential friendship and love interest, every dance, every football game, every kegger, so that they could be your boss one day, is actually qualified to be your boss?
Are they really smarter and more qualified, or are they just a workaholic? To be completely contrarian, isn't the mere fact that they had to work harder a sort of alarm bell? Too much? Ok, I'll back it up. How about this: In a world of information technology, which is what this world is becoming, can we afford to let imposters get ahead? People that are going to make it are...going to make it. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a world leader that would say "I would have drank myself to death in a gutter if it wasn't for such a harsh and unforgiving upbringing. Thank god my mommy emotionally abused me and denied my happiness. It turned me into the CEO of [insert name here] that I am today..." Or even worse, sub the words "been happy" for "drank myself to death in a gutter" and make the second sentence drip with sarcasm. What's more believable?
Overparenting is an overreaction to the fear of being an underparent. But if you have that fear, you're not an underparent. Underparents have no idea such a thing exists, and would never even consider that they might be underparenting. Or at least they would never do anything about it, even if they did consider it.
We must ask: "If our kid isn't actually smarter, faster, or more musically inclined, are we doing anyone a service by pushing them to become an expert in that area?" Can we afford engineers that lack creativity? Can we afford world leaders that lack social skills? CEO's that don't actually get the 'why' behind their business? Can we tolerate anymore Mickey Mouse Club House musicians?
I say no. The guaranteed cost seems to greatly outweigh the alleged benefit. We'd be better off letting the cream rise to the top naturally rather than telling the coffee it can be cream one day if it just tries harder.
Moreover, for possibly the first time in human history, many kids in the developed western world can actually be kids. Plain and simple. Just...kids. No death by measels or polio. No walking to school 10 miles each way in the snow. No factory labor at age 6. Just opportunity, love, learning, and fun. If they are among these lucky few, who are we to stop them? Who are we to take that away?
Well, well, well, I think I just found a place where overparenting and underparenting become the same thing...
Thanks for reading. Agree or disagree, I hope you thought.
Turning philosophy, politics, and ethics inside out, picking them apart, then reassembing them as ideas for a new way to look at life. Agree or disagree, you'll find it's worth reading. © 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Pre Thoughts
Welcome, one and all, to the pondering pagoda. Mr. ToT's is putting on a new hat today...
Today, faithful readers, I'm going to dabble in the 'critic' business, but with my own little spin. How does one 'spin' being a critic? The cushiest, most b.s. job on the planet. How does one make this self-proclaimed "profession" less relevant than it already is? Like this:
I haven't yet seen the movie I'm going to review, but I'm confident that I don't really need to. Seems like it would be a waste of time in this case.
Oh yeah, and before I forget...****spoiler alert****
Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman star in "No Strings Attached", release date...go look it up somewhere else. Just wait till your done reading, please. This movie is about booty calls. Regular booty calls, between the same two people. Kinda like When Harry Met Sally, except crappy, predictable, and with sex.
This promises to be yet another hack dramedy about modern relationships, pawned off by creatively editted previews as "original", "quirky", "insightful", and whatever other bilge phrases they decide to attach. There's another thing you can guarantee, the descriptors on the poster won't be original. They'll probably be copy/pasted from the Knocked Up movie poster.
Before I tear this movie apart, let me address the one reason that several people I know may consider seeing this. No, it's not a lack of better things to do. Drinking epicac and vomitting to death may fall under the category of 'Better things to do'. What may lure countless unsuspecting males into theaters to sacrifice $10 of their money on this disgrace to cinema is simple - it's the promise of Natalie Portman side boob. Possibly even nudity. Enticing? Mayhap, depending on your taste, but don't let it fool you, this movie will suck. Also, considering the prude attitude of the MPAA, you're far more likely to see a shot of man ass than side boob, much less whole boob. Another guarantee of failure.
That was the spoiler, by the way. This movie will be fail incarnate. I give it 5 laughs, 2 of which will be awkward.
For his part, Ashton Kutcher will do what he does best: "Michael" from That 70's Show. Maybe he'll mix in a little Dude Where's My Car, but what can we really expect from the guy that reprised candid camera, and substituted his famous friends for non-famous people? It was a step down. If you make millions of dollars doing movies and you have the nerve to take yourself seriously, die. Picking on innocent people at the dry cleaners, thats comedy.
Natalie Portman will do what she does best: That vaguely aloof, detached girl who seems to process things on such a deep internal level that you wonder how she ever got a career acting. One can easily mistake any of her on screen emotions for constipation, confusion, or a combination of the two. We all knew that girl at one point in our lives. We called her shallow. Or cold. Or "hey, what's your name again?". Hollywood likes to glorify that type lately. Like the chick from those vampire films. She's neither attractive nor talented. As a good friend of mine once said "Have we run out of thin, pretty people???".
Another reason to ditch this film in favor of a cheap cigar or 6 pack of PBR, is that you can get what you want for a better price, oh ye seekers of side boob. If you want Natalie Portman T&A without having to suffer through another romantic comedy that will surely try to shove some vague moral lesson down your throat while it rides the vortex of flushing toilet water into a predictable ending, here are some suggestions:
Black Swan - apparently she gets it on. With herself. Awesome. MSNBC called it "self sex" in their review. Let's call it what it is: flipping the bean. That's right...masturbation.
The Darjeeling Limited - there is a short film affixed to the beginning of this really awesome flick. In it, you get to see her naked from behind. She's not my type, but it's a nice rear. And the movie is funny too. Unlike No Strings Attached, which will suck. I promise.
So if you do one thing this weekend, avoid this film.
Thanks for reading!
Today, faithful readers, I'm going to dabble in the 'critic' business, but with my own little spin. How does one 'spin' being a critic? The cushiest, most b.s. job on the planet. How does one make this self-proclaimed "profession" less relevant than it already is? Like this:
I haven't yet seen the movie I'm going to review, but I'm confident that I don't really need to. Seems like it would be a waste of time in this case.
Oh yeah, and before I forget...****spoiler alert****
Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman star in "No Strings Attached", release date...go look it up somewhere else. Just wait till your done reading, please. This movie is about booty calls. Regular booty calls, between the same two people. Kinda like When Harry Met Sally, except crappy, predictable, and with sex.
This promises to be yet another hack dramedy about modern relationships, pawned off by creatively editted previews as "original", "quirky", "insightful", and whatever other bilge phrases they decide to attach. There's another thing you can guarantee, the descriptors on the poster won't be original. They'll probably be copy/pasted from the Knocked Up movie poster.
Before I tear this movie apart, let me address the one reason that several people I know may consider seeing this. No, it's not a lack of better things to do. Drinking epicac and vomitting to death may fall under the category of 'Better things to do'. What may lure countless unsuspecting males into theaters to sacrifice $10 of their money on this disgrace to cinema is simple - it's the promise of Natalie Portman side boob. Possibly even nudity. Enticing? Mayhap, depending on your taste, but don't let it fool you, this movie will suck. Also, considering the prude attitude of the MPAA, you're far more likely to see a shot of man ass than side boob, much less whole boob. Another guarantee of failure.
That was the spoiler, by the way. This movie will be fail incarnate. I give it 5 laughs, 2 of which will be awkward.
For his part, Ashton Kutcher will do what he does best: "Michael" from That 70's Show. Maybe he'll mix in a little Dude Where's My Car, but what can we really expect from the guy that reprised candid camera, and substituted his famous friends for non-famous people? It was a step down. If you make millions of dollars doing movies and you have the nerve to take yourself seriously, die. Picking on innocent people at the dry cleaners, thats comedy.
Natalie Portman will do what she does best: That vaguely aloof, detached girl who seems to process things on such a deep internal level that you wonder how she ever got a career acting. One can easily mistake any of her on screen emotions for constipation, confusion, or a combination of the two. We all knew that girl at one point in our lives. We called her shallow. Or cold. Or "hey, what's your name again?". Hollywood likes to glorify that type lately. Like the chick from those vampire films. She's neither attractive nor talented. As a good friend of mine once said "Have we run out of thin, pretty people???".
Another reason to ditch this film in favor of a cheap cigar or 6 pack of PBR, is that you can get what you want for a better price, oh ye seekers of side boob. If you want Natalie Portman T&A without having to suffer through another romantic comedy that will surely try to shove some vague moral lesson down your throat while it rides the vortex of flushing toilet water into a predictable ending, here are some suggestions:
Black Swan - apparently she gets it on. With herself. Awesome. MSNBC called it "self sex" in their review. Let's call it what it is: flipping the bean. That's right...masturbation.
The Darjeeling Limited - there is a short film affixed to the beginning of this really awesome flick. In it, you get to see her naked from behind. She's not my type, but it's a nice rear. And the movie is funny too. Unlike No Strings Attached, which will suck. I promise.
So if you do one thing this weekend, avoid this film.
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
foreign thoughts
Today I opened the paper, and what did I see
But the most powerful man in the world looking at me
Smile he did not as he stood and he talked
Then a quick bow and with a shuffle he walked.
Standing next to him the entire time
Was a man who has continuously walked the line
A man who desires this world to be great and free
This man is the President of my country.
Last time that these two met, things were different then
The US was still the leader of men
Leader of the world, in fact, yes they were
"Well what happened?" you say, quite unsure
And I say "what an excellent question you have found,
Upon this very topic I now will expound..."
You see it all starts after the second world war
When no one was left to compete anymore
We had all the money, the jobs, and the food
But no one thought us terribly rude
For we were riding the highest horse
Free from any regret or remorse
We, the Knights in shining armor
That bailed out the world in the wake of a horror
While other countries dug themselves from a jam
We dined on fat turkeys and plump christmas ham
The age of American dominance had begun
As we set out to destroy ourselves, just for fun
But it was not with malice that we set out for such things
For whom the bell tolls, you don't know till it rings
While other countries wasted all their resources
And gave up their remaining powerful forces
For something as silly as healthcare for all
(well in one case, they did stupid stuff with a wall)
We set out to be on our own, to be rich, to be free
Free of me having to care for you, or you for me
And we grew, yes we did, in both power and wealth
While hiding the 95% of us that weren't with great stealth
And one day our greatest child was born
A child that excelled beyond all the norm
This child would take us above all the rest
And ensure that never would we suffer a pest
But no, reader, this child was not our military
It was the s-type corporation, a.k.a. the LLC
It was not in the office of a goodly doctor
Or even a nursemaid or an MD's proctor
This child was born in the courts of the land
And the wealthy and powerful gave him a hand
And with their support he grew and he grew
Until he rolled over both me and you
ANd to our credit the better among us have tried
To dismantle this beast, till their families cried
But most of us, I'm sad to say,
helped corporations make it this way
We watched as it ravaged our seas and our fields
They used up or labor to increase their yields
They drained out our life after filling it with trouble
But then they discovered the path to a bubble
You see just as people started to considering revolt
And started to expect their fair share of the bolt
Some men in those courts came up with a plan
To keep their baby out of those hands
"The hands will be happy if they have something to to"
Said Court Number 1 to Court Number Two
"But if we are to give them something to do,
We'll have to pay them more money and give them time off too"
"And if you give them time off they'll expect somewhere to go
Time off sitting in a hovel is nothing good to know"
So now the men had a solution
But too puritanical to legalize prostitution
They invented something far more onerous
Debt for profit, or 'now you can own us'
"Well give them a job with a little more pay
And something to look forward too, a vacation day"
"What a grand idea" said Court #2, "but what
else would they now expect us to do?
For you see, we cannot really pay them enough to be free
For if we did they may realize we are unneccessary"
"Good point, good point," said Court # One
Something brilliant and drastic must be done"
Just then a new friend arrived on the scene
A Banker, with a new concept: A lien
Well to be fair, it wasn't entirely new
Debt has long been used enslave me and you
From ancient practice of serfdom, to share cropping, Amex
They are so enticing and yet they vex
Another way to have what you never knew that you want
Without having to do without that which you don't
Thus was born the credit card, a "way to make cash
Without having to dip from your personal stash
Wages don't have to go up when you loan
And the dreams you built you just crush if they groan"
Said the new friend, the Banker, who was in for the ride
The wedding of the century, and he was the bride
"We'll encourage them to buy, call it the 'American Dream'
We'll convince them that they need it to prove they're the cream"
"Eureka" said Court #2, "there's another idea
We now can give them all something to fear
If you're rich then you're right, and better than the rest
If your not life will suck, you'll be miserably depressed."
"What a plan" said the banker, "Let's start right now"
"When you can get the milk free, why buy the cow?"
And all across this brazen land
Houses were erected by human hand
And bought with money that no one had
To trap them in jobs that didn't make them glad
The system lived only to serve itself, filled with hate
Until the piper came calling, in December of 2008
Meanwhile the people that sat out that war
Every day increased their valuable store
They served those wants until the wants became needs
Then they upped the price to do those deeds
But by then we were trapped, ensnared by our desire
To be a rich, powerful, and lonely empire.
But the most powerful man in the world looking at me
Smile he did not as he stood and he talked
Then a quick bow and with a shuffle he walked.
Standing next to him the entire time
Was a man who has continuously walked the line
A man who desires this world to be great and free
This man is the President of my country.
Last time that these two met, things were different then
The US was still the leader of men
Leader of the world, in fact, yes they were
"Well what happened?" you say, quite unsure
And I say "what an excellent question you have found,
Upon this very topic I now will expound..."
You see it all starts after the second world war
When no one was left to compete anymore
We had all the money, the jobs, and the food
But no one thought us terribly rude
For we were riding the highest horse
Free from any regret or remorse
We, the Knights in shining armor
That bailed out the world in the wake of a horror
While other countries dug themselves from a jam
We dined on fat turkeys and plump christmas ham
The age of American dominance had begun
As we set out to destroy ourselves, just for fun
But it was not with malice that we set out for such things
For whom the bell tolls, you don't know till it rings
While other countries wasted all their resources
And gave up their remaining powerful forces
For something as silly as healthcare for all
(well in one case, they did stupid stuff with a wall)
We set out to be on our own, to be rich, to be free
Free of me having to care for you, or you for me
And we grew, yes we did, in both power and wealth
While hiding the 95% of us that weren't with great stealth
And one day our greatest child was born
A child that excelled beyond all the norm
This child would take us above all the rest
And ensure that never would we suffer a pest
But no, reader, this child was not our military
It was the s-type corporation, a.k.a. the LLC
It was not in the office of a goodly doctor
Or even a nursemaid or an MD's proctor
This child was born in the courts of the land
And the wealthy and powerful gave him a hand
And with their support he grew and he grew
Until he rolled over both me and you
ANd to our credit the better among us have tried
To dismantle this beast, till their families cried
But most of us, I'm sad to say,
helped corporations make it this way
We watched as it ravaged our seas and our fields
They used up or labor to increase their yields
They drained out our life after filling it with trouble
But then they discovered the path to a bubble
You see just as people started to considering revolt
And started to expect their fair share of the bolt
Some men in those courts came up with a plan
To keep their baby out of those hands
"The hands will be happy if they have something to to"
Said Court Number 1 to Court Number Two
"But if we are to give them something to do,
We'll have to pay them more money and give them time off too"
"And if you give them time off they'll expect somewhere to go
Time off sitting in a hovel is nothing good to know"
So now the men had a solution
But too puritanical to legalize prostitution
They invented something far more onerous
Debt for profit, or 'now you can own us'
"Well give them a job with a little more pay
And something to look forward too, a vacation day"
"What a grand idea" said Court #2, "but what
else would they now expect us to do?
For you see, we cannot really pay them enough to be free
For if we did they may realize we are unneccessary"
"Good point, good point," said Court # One
Something brilliant and drastic must be done"
Just then a new friend arrived on the scene
A Banker, with a new concept: A lien
Well to be fair, it wasn't entirely new
Debt has long been used enslave me and you
From ancient practice of serfdom, to share cropping, Amex
They are so enticing and yet they vex
Another way to have what you never knew that you want
Without having to do without that which you don't
Thus was born the credit card, a "way to make cash
Without having to dip from your personal stash
Wages don't have to go up when you loan
And the dreams you built you just crush if they groan"
Said the new friend, the Banker, who was in for the ride
The wedding of the century, and he was the bride
"We'll encourage them to buy, call it the 'American Dream'
We'll convince them that they need it to prove they're the cream"
"Eureka" said Court #2, "there's another idea
We now can give them all something to fear
If you're rich then you're right, and better than the rest
If your not life will suck, you'll be miserably depressed."
"What a plan" said the banker, "Let's start right now"
"When you can get the milk free, why buy the cow?"
And all across this brazen land
Houses were erected by human hand
And bought with money that no one had
To trap them in jobs that didn't make them glad
The system lived only to serve itself, filled with hate
Until the piper came calling, in December of 2008
Meanwhile the people that sat out that war
Every day increased their valuable store
They served those wants until the wants became needs
Then they upped the price to do those deeds
But by then we were trapped, ensnared by our desire
To be a rich, powerful, and lonely empire.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Happy Thoughts
If you ever find yourself with an excess of faith in humanity, or too much hope for our collective present and future, I invite you to relieve yourself of that burden in the following manner:
1) Visit the following site:
http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2011-01-18/
2) Read the comments section directly below each script.
3) Repeat until sufficiently relieved excess optimism.
4) Weep for humanity.
More later? Mayhap. I'll do my best. Thanks for stopping by.
1) Visit the following site:
http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2011-01-18/
2) Read the comments section directly below each script.
3) Repeat until sufficiently relieved excess optimism.
4) Weep for humanity.
More later? Mayhap. I'll do my best. Thanks for stopping by.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Smart Thoughts
I've already explained why we have little to fear, at least from ourselves, in the future. Even I was surprised by how optimistic that post was. Go me. No...wait...go us. That's right, humanity, share in the glory. I can't take it all. Go ahead, pat yourself on the back. It's ok, no one's looking. How do I know? If they were, they already would have fired you for reading my blog on the clock. Or me for writing on the clock.
Anyway, post-posting, I found myself in a state of rare optimism, when lo and behold someone had to rain on my parade. It seems some rascally nay-sayers have taken it upon themselves to contend with my theory of "Eh...chill out...it'll be ok". It seems these Philistines don't share in my glass-half-full-of-really-awesome-beer outlook concerning the fate of the human race. Bastards. Why do you have to piss in the punch? "Happy" isn't good enough for you? Reject blissful ignorance? Well I say that's your problem. Yes, you. Yes. You. Well who else would I be talking to, Mr. Stephen Hawking???
That's right, four eyes, I'm calling you out. See it turns out some people have my back. They're not afraid to stand up to you and your elitist science friends. Besides, they only like you cause you let them ride on the back of your chair down steep hills.
A few of them, my real friends, that is, let me know about your dirty little tricks. Yeah, that's right, I'm on to you. We're gonna has this out right here and now, Darth Physicist.
Readers, let me fill you in on what I learned this week. It seems Dr. Hawking here has been using his space magic to go back in time just to throw a wrench in my blog. Why? He went to the future, realized nerds will never 'get the girl', and saw how ridiculously famous and influential I will become. So he wrote yet another book that people will buy and put on their side table to show off to friends, but will never actually read. Then he went back to 2010 and had it published. Then he went back to 2009 and did some interviews about it. Sneaky little pencil jockey.
So he puts out this book with one purpose and one purpose only. To make me look bad. See the premise of this book is...well, far too boring to actually read. But somewhere in this book he used that dark matter magic to 'prove' that if there are aliens out there, and there are, they are most likely hostile. And we should fear them. His proof? His great case study? His alleged "facts"???? Human behavior. If we love raping, brutalizing, and pillaging so much, why shouldn't aliens? If we try to colonize and enslave every strange culture we meet, why shouldn't they?
Sh*t.
But what about...oh, wait, never mind. Bet then there's...oh...that's no good either. OOOOOOOOO...but what about hope, peace, the sharing of culture, and the Carl Sagan-esque utopia that awaits us beyond the stars!?!?!?!?!
Columbus, Cortez, Ivan the Terrible, Genghis Khan, Pizarro, Balboa, Magellan, pretty much every white person in North America from 1350-1890, pretty much everyone in Africa since the dawn of time, China (the country), and the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on...and on.
And on.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, he paid off some if his pipe smoking friends in the academic elite to publish a whole crap ton of other papers and scientific gobbledygook stating that we should get our first glimpse of alien life...this year. 2011. It may be all clicks and beeps at this point, but still...crap.
Not only that, but when we do get the messages, we're looking at many decades to decode them into characters that we will still most likely be unable to decipher or combine into meaningful information of any kind. We're looking at millenia before we could open a true dialogue, and that's assuming they don't Death Star our planet in the meantime.
I guess you win this round, Hawking. I must admit it's no surprise you're so petty that you're willing to take humanity down just to make me look bad. You even engineered the situation to make sure I was still right, but that my argument no longer mattered. Well played, sir. Well played.
Agree or disagree, I hope you think Hawking's a d-bag now too. Thanks for reading.
Anyway, post-posting, I found myself in a state of rare optimism, when lo and behold someone had to rain on my parade. It seems some rascally nay-sayers have taken it upon themselves to contend with my theory of "Eh...chill out...it'll be ok". It seems these Philistines don't share in my glass-half-full-of-really-awesome-beer outlook concerning the fate of the human race. Bastards. Why do you have to piss in the punch? "Happy" isn't good enough for you? Reject blissful ignorance? Well I say that's your problem. Yes, you. Yes. You. Well who else would I be talking to, Mr. Stephen Hawking???
That's right, four eyes, I'm calling you out. See it turns out some people have my back. They're not afraid to stand up to you and your elitist science friends. Besides, they only like you cause you let them ride on the back of your chair down steep hills.
A few of them, my real friends, that is, let me know about your dirty little tricks. Yeah, that's right, I'm on to you. We're gonna has this out right here and now, Darth Physicist.
Readers, let me fill you in on what I learned this week. It seems Dr. Hawking here has been using his space magic to go back in time just to throw a wrench in my blog. Why? He went to the future, realized nerds will never 'get the girl', and saw how ridiculously famous and influential I will become. So he wrote yet another book that people will buy and put on their side table to show off to friends, but will never actually read. Then he went back to 2010 and had it published. Then he went back to 2009 and did some interviews about it. Sneaky little pencil jockey.
So he puts out this book with one purpose and one purpose only. To make me look bad. See the premise of this book is...well, far too boring to actually read. But somewhere in this book he used that dark matter magic to 'prove' that if there are aliens out there, and there are, they are most likely hostile. And we should fear them. His proof? His great case study? His alleged "facts"???? Human behavior. If we love raping, brutalizing, and pillaging so much, why shouldn't aliens? If we try to colonize and enslave every strange culture we meet, why shouldn't they?
Sh*t.
But what about...oh, wait, never mind. Bet then there's...oh...that's no good either. OOOOOOOOO...but what about hope, peace, the sharing of culture, and the Carl Sagan-esque utopia that awaits us beyond the stars!?!?!?!?!
Columbus, Cortez, Ivan the Terrible, Genghis Khan, Pizarro, Balboa, Magellan, pretty much every white person in North America from 1350-1890, pretty much everyone in Africa since the dawn of time, China (the country), and the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on...and on.
And on.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, he paid off some if his pipe smoking friends in the academic elite to publish a whole crap ton of other papers and scientific gobbledygook stating that we should get our first glimpse of alien life...this year. 2011. It may be all clicks and beeps at this point, but still...crap.
Not only that, but when we do get the messages, we're looking at many decades to decode them into characters that we will still most likely be unable to decipher or combine into meaningful information of any kind. We're looking at millenia before we could open a true dialogue, and that's assuming they don't Death Star our planet in the meantime.
I guess you win this round, Hawking. I must admit it's no surprise you're so petty that you're willing to take humanity down just to make me look bad. You even engineered the situation to make sure I was still right, but that my argument no longer mattered. Well played, sir. Well played.
Agree or disagree, I hope you think Hawking's a d-bag now too. Thanks for reading.
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